Margaretsnews
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Margaretsnews
I've been getting questions, so I'll answer them here. They'll be in "answer format", since you can probably figure out the questions. Y'all are smart like that.
Yes, I cut my hair myself. No, it wasn't traumatic and I didn't cry. Rather than, "Oh, my HAIR!!", it was more along the lines of "What a mess. Better clean this up."
Yes, I look WAYYYY different without hair, sort of like Demi Moore in the movie GI Jane. I feel like a plucked chicken. No, I probably won't show you. No, I can't do one-armed pushups, either.
Yes, I will lose all of my hair. All over. Showers take about 6 minutes now, since there's nothing to shave or shampoo. The eyebrows may be the last to go, although I can't tell you why.
No, it's not so convenient. In addition to coordinating my clothes (which I'd FINALLY accomplished!), I now have to decide on a hat, headwrap, or a scarf to compliment the daily wear. It's one more thing to do and it takes more time. (And y'all know how alert I am in the mornings!)
No, I'm not ready to "have fun with it", with different wigs and funky hats. Being outrageous is just not my style in the way I dress. For those who do have the courage--let the fun begin!
No, I don't want a picture of "before" and "after".
Yes, I have a wig and it looks good. It's also hot and it itches. On the plus side, I get to be a blonde now. Maybe I'll have more fun! I'll let y'all know.
Yes, my next "happy juice" day is Friday, and yes, I'll be wiped out for a couple of days. Yes, I'll be at home, and someone will be with me at all times.
Yes, I am VERY glad to have you here. Knowing that I have my own cheering squad helps me to get through the rough days. Y'all do good work! ¶ 6:37 PM 3 comments
I've been getting questions, so I'll answer them here. They'll be in "answer format", since you can probably figure out the questions. Y'all are smart like that.
Yes, I cut my hair myself. No, it wasn't traumatic and I didn't cry. Rather than, "Oh, my HAIR!!", it was more along the lines of "What a mess. Better clean this up."
Yes, I look WAYYYY different without hair, sort of like Demi Moore in the movie GI Jane. I feel like a plucked chicken. No, I probably won't show you. No, I can't do one-armed pushups, either.
Yes, I will lose all of my hair. All over. Showers take about 6 minutes now, since there's nothing to shave or shampoo. The eyebrows may be the last to go, although I can't tell you why.
No, it's not so convenient. In addition to coordinating my clothes (which I'd FINALLY accomplished!), I now have to decide on a hat, headwrap, or a scarf to compliment the daily wear. It's one more thing to do and it takes more time. (And y'all know how alert I am in the mornings!)
No, I'm not ready to "have fun with it", with different wigs and funky hats. Being outrageous is just not my style in the way I dress. For those who do have the courage--let the fun begin!
No, I don't want a picture of "before" and "after".
Yes, I have a wig and it looks good. It's also hot and it itches. On the plus side, I get to be a blonde now. Maybe I'll have more fun! I'll let y'all know.
Yes, my next "happy juice" day is Friday, and yes, I'll be wiped out for a couple of days. Yes, I'll be at home, and someone will be with me at all times.
Yes, I am VERY glad to have you here. Knowing that I have my own cheering squad helps me to get through the rough days. Y'all do good work! ¶ 6:37 PM 3 comments
Monday, August 28, 2006
Another Monday
I made it through another Monday! The weekend was a bit tiring, with lots to do before next weekend arrives. On Friday I get more "happy juice", and I need to have things caught up and taken care of while I can. No matter what else happens, life does go on, and things need to be done. And we all know that there's always something needing attention!
I'm still feeling pretty good, although I still tire easily. It's funny (well, not funny at all, you know what I mean) that my stamina is just not there. I can't climb stairs without getting extremely out of breath, I can't breathe well enough to walk fast enough to get my heart rate up for a little exercise, and by the end of the day, I'm just exhausted. Whine, whine, whine....
The good news is that I'm not taking quite so much Tylenol or Aleve as before, and I'm sleeping very well without them. When I can get out for a slow walk with the dog, I feel better than when I don't. And when I snack all day long, I feel pretty darn good. It's exactly what the doctors always say, "Diet and exercise is the key to feeling good." No kidding.
Thanks for being here. It's good to know that people are out there cheering for me. The happy thoughts, the prayers, and the encouraging stories all help more than I can say. ¶ 6:25 PM 2 comments
I made it through another Monday! The weekend was a bit tiring, with lots to do before next weekend arrives. On Friday I get more "happy juice", and I need to have things caught up and taken care of while I can. No matter what else happens, life does go on, and things need to be done. And we all know that there's always something needing attention!
I'm still feeling pretty good, although I still tire easily. It's funny (well, not funny at all, you know what I mean) that my stamina is just not there. I can't climb stairs without getting extremely out of breath, I can't breathe well enough to walk fast enough to get my heart rate up for a little exercise, and by the end of the day, I'm just exhausted. Whine, whine, whine....
The good news is that I'm not taking quite so much Tylenol or Aleve as before, and I'm sleeping very well without them. When I can get out for a slow walk with the dog, I feel better than when I don't. And when I snack all day long, I feel pretty darn good. It's exactly what the doctors always say, "Diet and exercise is the key to feeling good." No kidding.
Thanks for being here. It's good to know that people are out there cheering for me. The happy thoughts, the prayers, and the encouraging stories all help more than I can say. ¶ 6:25 PM 2 comments
Friday, August 25, 2006
It's Friday and I worked full days all week long! WOOHOO!! It felt good to be able to do that, too. I don't like taking time off to be sick; I have stuff to do.
I had something interesting happen on Thursday. Once I buzzed all my hair off, the skin was very sensitive. I had planned on wearing a hat, but with no hair, my hat is a bit big, it wobbles on my head, and it's textured. I could not tolerate that much texture touching my head. So I chose the soft stretchy headwrap to wear. It was soothing on the tender head, covered up enough so as not to scare people, easy to put on and take off. My interesting discovery was that when one wears a hat, one looks fashionable, trendy, sassy. When one wears a headwrap, one looks as though one has no hair. Yes, the headwrap acts like a bullhorn, screaming "CANCER PATIENT HERE!! LOOK OUT!!!" People either stared or wouldn't look at me at all. And while I was out one day, I could swear there was a woman who was 6 feet away, talking about me to her companion. Paranoid? Self-conscious? Uncomfortable? Me? Yes, to everything. In the "safe zones" I'm fine. Out in the world, I'm not quite fine. (sigh...)
On the plus side, I'm feeling pretty good. I worked all week long, and did ordinary things at home, and went to bed early. You know, like a regular person on a regular day. It's amazing the amount of energy it takes just to get through a day, which I didn't appreciate until I didn't have it. What a learning experience this has been for me. I'm learning about drugs (no, not that kind), expectations, compassion, endurance, and friends--all good stuff. I wonder why it takes a major event to bring out the best in people. One thing's for sure: LOTS of people are certainly giving their best to me and I am grateful. ¶ 6:56 PM 2 comments
I had something interesting happen on Thursday. Once I buzzed all my hair off, the skin was very sensitive. I had planned on wearing a hat, but with no hair, my hat is a bit big, it wobbles on my head, and it's textured. I could not tolerate that much texture touching my head. So I chose the soft stretchy headwrap to wear. It was soothing on the tender head, covered up enough so as not to scare people, easy to put on and take off. My interesting discovery was that when one wears a hat, one looks fashionable, trendy, sassy. When one wears a headwrap, one looks as though one has no hair. Yes, the headwrap acts like a bullhorn, screaming "CANCER PATIENT HERE!! LOOK OUT!!!" People either stared or wouldn't look at me at all. And while I was out one day, I could swear there was a woman who was 6 feet away, talking about me to her companion. Paranoid? Self-conscious? Uncomfortable? Me? Yes, to everything. In the "safe zones" I'm fine. Out in the world, I'm not quite fine. (sigh...)
On the plus side, I'm feeling pretty good. I worked all week long, and did ordinary things at home, and went to bed early. You know, like a regular person on a regular day. It's amazing the amount of energy it takes just to get through a day, which I didn't appreciate until I didn't have it. What a learning experience this has been for me. I'm learning about drugs (no, not that kind), expectations, compassion, endurance, and friends--all good stuff. I wonder why it takes a major event to bring out the best in people. One thing's for sure: LOTS of people are certainly giving their best to me and I am grateful. ¶ 6:56 PM 2 comments
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
I did it
Today was the big day, although I didn't know it until this afternoon. This morning, after the shower, I towel dried my hair and brushed it, and waited for it to fluff as it dried. My scalp was very sore and tender, and brushing my hair hurt. Then I noticed that my hair didn't fluff up like it usually did. So I decided to make today the first hat day.
I wore the hat to work, and while it looked cute and fun, it's really not my style. (Sigh...) Guess it'll have to be though; I can't go around with flat hair. All day long I wore the hat, and just got accustomed to having it on, and seeing it in my peripheral vision. I kept running my fingers through my hair and coming away with a handful. Oh, why can't chemo take away this fat on my belly or these wrinkles around my eyes? I wouldn't mind losing either of those!
After lunch, I went into the ladies' room to freshen up a bit, and I took off the hat. The hair I saw was ugly, flat, and just all wrong, and I knew that it was no longer mine. This was Skippy's hair, and it had to go. When I got home, I took off the hat, plugged in the clippers, put on the longest guard, and started cutting. Then I put on a shorter guard, and kept on cutting. And then I took the guard off, and used just the clipper blades to cut the rest. I now have what appears to be a 5 o'clock shadow on my head.
Take that, Skippy! ¶ 6:26 PM 7 comments
Today was the big day, although I didn't know it until this afternoon. This morning, after the shower, I towel dried my hair and brushed it, and waited for it to fluff as it dried. My scalp was very sore and tender, and brushing my hair hurt. Then I noticed that my hair didn't fluff up like it usually did. So I decided to make today the first hat day.
I wore the hat to work, and while it looked cute and fun, it's really not my style. (Sigh...) Guess it'll have to be though; I can't go around with flat hair. All day long I wore the hat, and just got accustomed to having it on, and seeing it in my peripheral vision. I kept running my fingers through my hair and coming away with a handful. Oh, why can't chemo take away this fat on my belly or these wrinkles around my eyes? I wouldn't mind losing either of those!
After lunch, I went into the ladies' room to freshen up a bit, and I took off the hat. The hair I saw was ugly, flat, and just all wrong, and I knew that it was no longer mine. This was Skippy's hair, and it had to go. When I got home, I took off the hat, plugged in the clippers, put on the longest guard, and started cutting. Then I put on a shorter guard, and kept on cutting. And then I took the guard off, and used just the clipper blades to cut the rest. I now have what appears to be a 5 o'clock shadow on my head.
Take that, Skippy! ¶ 6:26 PM 7 comments
Monday, August 21, 2006
Monday, Monday
I went to work this morning and stayed the entire day! FINALLY! I honestly felt like it, and it didn't kill me. It's good to get back into the routine and get things done. I can still drive shop, cook, clean and launder; and when I'm doing those things, it's easy to forget that I have cancer. I'm reminded again when those medical bills arrive--OUCH! I may have to sell the dog to pay for these treatments. He's big, he sheds all over, he won't fetch, and he's lazy--any takers? Huh, I thought so.
As of today, I still have my hair, although I think the end is near. My scalp is starting to ache and tingle, which is a sign that the hair is saying "goodbye". The sensation is the same as when the hairstyle changes (into say, a high, tight ponytail or an "up-do"), and then goes back to the original style. I know it's just hair, but I don't want to lose it. I had entertained the idea of shaving it this past weekend, but as it turned out, I just couldn't do it. I'm not quite that brave, but soon, the decision will be out of my hands anyway. And yes, I'm fairly certain it's going; 5 doctors have told me so. Maybe I'll shave it next weekend. And maybe not.
Those wonderful people at work had flowers to greet me this morning! On my desk was a very bright and colorful bouquet with mums, carnations, lillies, and some tiny little yellow flowers that I don't know the name of. What a wonderful way to start the week! Thanks to my co-workers! I feel so fortunate to work with such thoughtful people. ¶ 6:35 PM 3 comments
I went to work this morning and stayed the entire day! FINALLY! I honestly felt like it, and it didn't kill me. It's good to get back into the routine and get things done. I can still drive shop, cook, clean and launder; and when I'm doing those things, it's easy to forget that I have cancer. I'm reminded again when those medical bills arrive--OUCH! I may have to sell the dog to pay for these treatments. He's big, he sheds all over, he won't fetch, and he's lazy--any takers? Huh, I thought so.
As of today, I still have my hair, although I think the end is near. My scalp is starting to ache and tingle, which is a sign that the hair is saying "goodbye". The sensation is the same as when the hairstyle changes (into say, a high, tight ponytail or an "up-do"), and then goes back to the original style. I know it's just hair, but I don't want to lose it. I had entertained the idea of shaving it this past weekend, but as it turned out, I just couldn't do it. I'm not quite that brave, but soon, the decision will be out of my hands anyway. And yes, I'm fairly certain it's going; 5 doctors have told me so. Maybe I'll shave it next weekend. And maybe not.
Those wonderful people at work had flowers to greet me this morning! On my desk was a very bright and colorful bouquet with mums, carnations, lillies, and some tiny little yellow flowers that I don't know the name of. What a wonderful way to start the week! Thanks to my co-workers! I feel so fortunate to work with such thoughtful people. ¶ 6:35 PM 3 comments
Friday, August 18, 2006
Margaretsnews
It's Friday and I know I haven't posted in a couple of days.
The truth is there's no news.
I feel OK most days, although I tend to stay tired. I'm resting at every opportunity and eating more. My energy level is slowly increasing, which makes me want to do more, but I regret it when I do. I'm learning the limits--#$*%^@ limits!--by trial and error. Talking on the phone is still hard, but for 10 - 15 minutes I can do it. Standing up for more than about 5 minutes is very tiring, but I can sit for hours and be OK. I've been taking the dog for short walks that take about twice as long as I'd like, but walking fast is just out of the question at this point. I think that a little bit of exercise is good for me as long as I don't struggle with it. Food is becoming appealing again, which must be a good sign. Housework is the most exhausting, so, gee, can't do that now, can I?
I'm still amazed at the amount of support that's been generated all on my behalf. The blog is a HUGE success; people whom I don't know and who don't know me are reading it. I receive some kind of "thinking of you" card, call, or email nearly every day, and I like that. I'm glad and grateful, too, because without this support, I'd be alone and I don't do well alone. Saying "thank you" to everyone seems so very inadequate, yet it's all I have. Thank you all for doing what you do, and for what you do for me. ¶ 2:46 PM 3 comments
It's Friday and I know I haven't posted in a couple of days.
The truth is there's no news.
I feel OK most days, although I tend to stay tired. I'm resting at every opportunity and eating more. My energy level is slowly increasing, which makes me want to do more, but I regret it when I do. I'm learning the limits--#$*%^@ limits!--by trial and error. Talking on the phone is still hard, but for 10 - 15 minutes I can do it. Standing up for more than about 5 minutes is very tiring, but I can sit for hours and be OK. I've been taking the dog for short walks that take about twice as long as I'd like, but walking fast is just out of the question at this point. I think that a little bit of exercise is good for me as long as I don't struggle with it. Food is becoming appealing again, which must be a good sign. Housework is the most exhausting, so, gee, can't do that now, can I?
I'm still amazed at the amount of support that's been generated all on my behalf. The blog is a HUGE success; people whom I don't know and who don't know me are reading it. I receive some kind of "thinking of you" card, call, or email nearly every day, and I like that. I'm glad and grateful, too, because without this support, I'd be alone and I don't do well alone. Saying "thank you" to everyone seems so very inadequate, yet it's all I have. Thank you all for doing what you do, and for what you do for me. ¶ 2:46 PM 3 comments
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Nearly back to normal
Today is Tuesday, and I worked until 1:00 today! I'm hoping that by the end of the week, I can stay for the entire day. I am feeling better, by degrees, every day. My energy level is improving, and so is my appetite, which will improve my energy level, which will improve my appetite, and so on. And yes, I'm eating. Even had some chocolate today, which I haven't had in days. Can you believe it? ME? Not wanting chocolate? I must be sick. Ha.
My oncologist told me that this first treatment would be indicative of what the rest of the treatments would be like. So now I know that I'll feel like $%#@ for about a week, and then slowly get back to normal. I'll tell you this: I don't like feeling so tired and achy. I didn't get depressed over the cancer, I got ticked over not being my usual able-bodied self. Yeah, yeah, I know it's only temporary. I still don't like it.
And if ol' Skippy thinks he's gonna win even one battle, well, he's got another think coming, 'cause I don't think so. I have friends in high places. And low. I am grateful to have them all. Together we are invincible. Thanks for being here for me. ¶ 2:32 PM 7 comments
Today is Tuesday, and I worked until 1:00 today! I'm hoping that by the end of the week, I can stay for the entire day. I am feeling better, by degrees, every day. My energy level is improving, and so is my appetite, which will improve my energy level, which will improve my appetite, and so on. And yes, I'm eating. Even had some chocolate today, which I haven't had in days. Can you believe it? ME? Not wanting chocolate? I must be sick. Ha.
My oncologist told me that this first treatment would be indicative of what the rest of the treatments would be like. So now I know that I'll feel like $%#@ for about a week, and then slowly get back to normal. I'll tell you this: I don't like feeling so tired and achy. I didn't get depressed over the cancer, I got ticked over not being my usual able-bodied self. Yeah, yeah, I know it's only temporary. I still don't like it.
And if ol' Skippy thinks he's gonna win even one battle, well, he's got another think coming, 'cause I don't think so. I have friends in high places. And low. I am grateful to have them all. Together we are invincible. Thanks for being here for me. ¶ 2:32 PM 7 comments
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Sunday
It's Sunday afternoon, and the weekend has been pretty good. I was feeling real good yesterday, didn't spend quite so much time sleeping or just lying on the couch. I cleaned just a little, did a little laundry, a few dishes, and talked on the phone to a couple of people. Good stuff. And then, last night, some very talented angels came and cooked dinner for the boys and me--VERY tasty goodies, I tell you! What a deal: they brought dinner, cooked it, cleaned up, and went home when I got tired. To those angels: Thank you. It was a wonderful evening.
I'm a little tired today, must be from the little bit of cleaning I did yesterday--hmm, won't make THAT mistake again! I'm going to take it real easy today and just lounge around, hoping that someone will bring me bon-bons, and finish up the laundry. Well, it could happen!!
All in all, I AM feeling somewhat better; I seem to feel the best when I take Tylenol and eat something throughout the day. I am trying to rest, but it's very hard to rest when there's so very much to do. And yes, it does need to get done. Life didn't stop just because Skippy arrived! Luckily for me, I have lots of help, some front and center, and some waiting in the wings. Believe it when I say that I need all the help I can get--as usual!
I appreciate all the cards, well-wishes, phone calls, and kind thoughts that I've received. Y'all make me laugh and keep me hopeful when I need it the most. Thanks. ¶ 11:29 AM 4 comments
It's Sunday afternoon, and the weekend has been pretty good. I was feeling real good yesterday, didn't spend quite so much time sleeping or just lying on the couch. I cleaned just a little, did a little laundry, a few dishes, and talked on the phone to a couple of people. Good stuff. And then, last night, some very talented angels came and cooked dinner for the boys and me--VERY tasty goodies, I tell you! What a deal: they brought dinner, cooked it, cleaned up, and went home when I got tired. To those angels: Thank you. It was a wonderful evening.
I'm a little tired today, must be from the little bit of cleaning I did yesterday--hmm, won't make THAT mistake again! I'm going to take it real easy today and just lounge around, hoping that someone will bring me bon-bons, and finish up the laundry. Well, it could happen!!
All in all, I AM feeling somewhat better; I seem to feel the best when I take Tylenol and eat something throughout the day. I am trying to rest, but it's very hard to rest when there's so very much to do. And yes, it does need to get done. Life didn't stop just because Skippy arrived! Luckily for me, I have lots of help, some front and center, and some waiting in the wings. Believe it when I say that I need all the help I can get--as usual!
I appreciate all the cards, well-wishes, phone calls, and kind thoughts that I've received. Y'all make me laugh and keep me hopeful when I need it the most. Thanks. ¶ 11:29 AM 4 comments
Friday, August 11, 2006
Friday
It's a short entry tonight, folks. I'm feeling VERY tired and achy. Yeah, yeah, I was warned, and was expecting it, and it's here. I worked a half a day today and yesterday, and spent the afternoons of both days on the couch, napping.
No nausea (yet), but my appetite seems to be gone. I have lots of wonderful food in the house, and don't want to eat any of it. I think my appetite will come back when I'm feeling a little better--maybe this weekend.
I hope my energy level comes back this weekend as well--I have stuff to do, and this lying around is just in my way. Skippy may have me down for the moment, but I'm on my way back up. Really.
OK, back on the couch. Thanks for thinking of me! ¶ 6:51 PM 4 comments
It's a short entry tonight, folks. I'm feeling VERY tired and achy. Yeah, yeah, I was warned, and was expecting it, and it's here. I worked a half a day today and yesterday, and spent the afternoons of both days on the couch, napping.
No nausea (yet), but my appetite seems to be gone. I have lots of wonderful food in the house, and don't want to eat any of it. I think my appetite will come back when I'm feeling a little better--maybe this weekend.
I hope my energy level comes back this weekend as well--I have stuff to do, and this lying around is just in my way. Skippy may have me down for the moment, but I'm on my way back up. Really.
OK, back on the couch. Thanks for thinking of me! ¶ 6:51 PM 4 comments
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
...And the next day...
It's Wednesday afternoon. I started writing this in the morning, but I had many interruptions and an errand to run, but I'm here now. I must say, I feel OK. I'm a little tired and moving slowly, but, hey, if that's the worst of it, I'll be OK. I've heard that the 3rd day after treatment is the kicker, so I'm waiting for that. If anyone has any experience with that, please enlighten me! (email me or click on the word "comment" at the end of this blog. Thanks.)
The "chemo suite" at the Cancer Center on Asheville Avenue is very nice. There are about 25 recliners in a huge room with chairs for visitors. There are two 100 gallon aquariums, a refrigerator stocked with sodas and juices, a coffee pot with all the fixin's, and a basket full of chips and crackers. All for the taking. (Well, maybe not the aquariums!)
Last night went well; I slept pretty well once I got to sleep. I think the "happy juice" was more stimulating than the Benadryl was drowsy-ing. I took 1 anti-nausea pill (the one that would make me drowsy) last night and have had no trouble with nausea last night or today. This morning, I had a bottle of Ensure and a brownie--Breakfast of Champions!
Later this afternoon, I go get a shot that will help keep up my white blood cells. And in two weeks, I go to get more blood work done, and a week from then, it'll be time for another round of "happy juice", and we start all over.
I need to clarify here: it seems that I had the order of events mixed up. Well, the plan changed, and I got the revision all wrong. (More evidence that I shouldn't travel alone.) The series of events is: chemo now, then chemo + radiation, then surgery and then possibly more chemo, just to finish me off. Once the cancer in my chest was found, the game plan went to Plan B. That's a good thing, because the cancer in my lymph nodes will kill me quicker than the slow-growing tumor in my lung. Thank God (and I have) that my doctor, yes the 16-year old surgeon, suspected it and found it and changed the plan accordingly. From now on, I'll refer to him as Dr. White, which he deserved all along.
Thanks for being here. I truly appreciate all the kindness I've been given. And now it's time for my nap. ¶ 11:32 AM 3 comments
It's Wednesday afternoon. I started writing this in the morning, but I had many interruptions and an errand to run, but I'm here now. I must say, I feel OK. I'm a little tired and moving slowly, but, hey, if that's the worst of it, I'll be OK. I've heard that the 3rd day after treatment is the kicker, so I'm waiting for that. If anyone has any experience with that, please enlighten me! (email me or click on the word "comment" at the end of this blog. Thanks.)
The "chemo suite" at the Cancer Center on Asheville Avenue is very nice. There are about 25 recliners in a huge room with chairs for visitors. There are two 100 gallon aquariums, a refrigerator stocked with sodas and juices, a coffee pot with all the fixin's, and a basket full of chips and crackers. All for the taking. (Well, maybe not the aquariums!)
Last night went well; I slept pretty well once I got to sleep. I think the "happy juice" was more stimulating than the Benadryl was drowsy-ing. I took 1 anti-nausea pill (the one that would make me drowsy) last night and have had no trouble with nausea last night or today. This morning, I had a bottle of Ensure and a brownie--Breakfast of Champions!
Later this afternoon, I go get a shot that will help keep up my white blood cells. And in two weeks, I go to get more blood work done, and a week from then, it'll be time for another round of "happy juice", and we start all over.
I need to clarify here: it seems that I had the order of events mixed up. Well, the plan changed, and I got the revision all wrong. (More evidence that I shouldn't travel alone.) The series of events is: chemo now, then chemo + radiation, then surgery and then possibly more chemo, just to finish me off. Once the cancer in my chest was found, the game plan went to Plan B. That's a good thing, because the cancer in my lymph nodes will kill me quicker than the slow-growing tumor in my lung. Thank God (and I have) that my doctor, yes the 16-year old surgeon, suspected it and found it and changed the plan accordingly. From now on, I'll refer to him as Dr. White, which he deserved all along.
Thanks for being here. I truly appreciate all the kindness I've been given. And now it's time for my nap. ¶ 11:32 AM 3 comments
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Happy Juice
Oh, my first chemo treatment--what a day! I've decided to steal Terry's phrase and call it "happy juice" instead of "cold and sterile chemicals." This truly was an experience, one that took all day long. (I'm glad this program fixes these typos--I feel like I'm drunk and am typing accordingly!)
Anyway, we got to the office at 8:35 for the 8:40 appointment. We were there for 2 hours before I got "plugged in" to an IV line. Some of that time was spent in consultations, blood work, and other necessary stuff; but I hadn't prepared for that. I was sitting on "GO" and was ready to get juiced up and get the heck out of there.
Once again my plans changed. (Is anyone surprsed?)
I got the 1st dose of some stomach settling drug and some Benadryl. I think that was to keep me quiet and in one place. (Do those people know me or what?) After that, I got the Taxol, for about 5 minutes before I started coughing and gasping. (FYI: Gasping for breath and coughing violently will bring the medical reinforcements in!) I told them between gasps, that my Tylenol had probably worn off and if they could get me some, I'd be better in just a little while. It had, they did, and I was. And then after about an hour of waiting, they started the Taxol again. In tiny, itty-bitty increments. Later, the nurse increased the dose to a larger, but still small amount, and later, she punched it up to full speed. It still took 3 hours. After that I had the other IV bag. That one took about 1/2 hour, so that wasn't so bad. By this time it was 5 p.m., and the place looked like a ghost town. I made my appointment for my shot tomorrow, and a Friday spot for the next treatment of happy juice, and now I'm exhausted.
Oh, but I am grateful, too. The medical staff is a wonderful group of people, sensitive and kind and good at what they do. They were very touched when I told them about my blue bracelet (so am I!) and they all told me what a fantastic support group I have. I agree. This journey would be so very hard if I were walking alone, and I am so glad and proud to have all of you right here. Thank you. And yes, you over there, you too.
And now the couch is calling me. ¶ 3:59 PM 6 comments
Oh, my first chemo treatment--what a day! I've decided to steal Terry's phrase and call it "happy juice" instead of "cold and sterile chemicals." This truly was an experience, one that took all day long. (I'm glad this program fixes these typos--I feel like I'm drunk and am typing accordingly!)
Anyway, we got to the office at 8:35 for the 8:40 appointment. We were there for 2 hours before I got "plugged in" to an IV line. Some of that time was spent in consultations, blood work, and other necessary stuff; but I hadn't prepared for that. I was sitting on "GO" and was ready to get juiced up and get the heck out of there.
Once again my plans changed. (Is anyone surprsed?)
I got the 1st dose of some stomach settling drug and some Benadryl. I think that was to keep me quiet and in one place. (Do those people know me or what?) After that, I got the Taxol, for about 5 minutes before I started coughing and gasping. (FYI: Gasping for breath and coughing violently will bring the medical reinforcements in!) I told them between gasps, that my Tylenol had probably worn off and if they could get me some, I'd be better in just a little while. It had, they did, and I was. And then after about an hour of waiting, they started the Taxol again. In tiny, itty-bitty increments. Later, the nurse increased the dose to a larger, but still small amount, and later, she punched it up to full speed. It still took 3 hours. After that I had the other IV bag. That one took about 1/2 hour, so that wasn't so bad. By this time it was 5 p.m., and the place looked like a ghost town. I made my appointment for my shot tomorrow, and a Friday spot for the next treatment of happy juice, and now I'm exhausted.
Oh, but I am grateful, too. The medical staff is a wonderful group of people, sensitive and kind and good at what they do. They were very touched when I told them about my blue bracelet (so am I!) and they all told me what a fantastic support group I have. I agree. This journey would be so very hard if I were walking alone, and I am so glad and proud to have all of you right here. Thank you. And yes, you over there, you too.
And now the couch is calling me. ¶ 3:59 PM 6 comments
Saturday, August 05, 2006
The shopping trip
I went wig shopping today. I thought I was ready for that, really I did. Then I walked in the door, and realized that the wig was for me because I'd be losing my hair, and soon. Then I decided that I didn't want to lose my hair and that was that. And then I wanted to go home and not think about it.
But Theresa drove me, and she was trying so very hard to be helpful. I couldn't ask her to take me home; heck, we'd just walked in the door. I tried to get with the program. I looked at wigs. Every wig I liked looked just like my own current hairstyle. There's no doubt what I'll end up with--a wig that looks like what I already have. I looked at hats: straw hats, knit hats, turban-style hats. Lots of different colors and fabrics. I tried on hats. (Mom, you'd have been proud!) I found a very pretty lavender hat that looked real cute. When I put it on, all I could see peeking out were blue eyes. Ok, so maybe this won't be so bad after all. So I bought that hat, and one more, and also a scarf headwrap thing that looks like a fancy do-rag.
The woman who owns the store (The Lovely Lady in Cary) is just wonderful. She's knowledgeable about cancer, the drugs, the treatments and the million other things that go along with this disease. She has lots of experience, she's gentle and kind, and acknowledges that while it IS just hair, most women tend to be a little vain about theirs. (Vain? Moi? Could it be?) I have to say that I left there feeling much better than when I went in. Thanks, Theresa.
Hey, I may even look good bald, y'know?? (But I have the hat, just in case...) ¶ 2:13 PM 6 comments
I went wig shopping today. I thought I was ready for that, really I did. Then I walked in the door, and realized that the wig was for me because I'd be losing my hair, and soon. Then I decided that I didn't want to lose my hair and that was that. And then I wanted to go home and not think about it.
But Theresa drove me, and she was trying so very hard to be helpful. I couldn't ask her to take me home; heck, we'd just walked in the door. I tried to get with the program. I looked at wigs. Every wig I liked looked just like my own current hairstyle. There's no doubt what I'll end up with--a wig that looks like what I already have. I looked at hats: straw hats, knit hats, turban-style hats. Lots of different colors and fabrics. I tried on hats. (Mom, you'd have been proud!) I found a very pretty lavender hat that looked real cute. When I put it on, all I could see peeking out were blue eyes. Ok, so maybe this won't be so bad after all. So I bought that hat, and one more, and also a scarf headwrap thing that looks like a fancy do-rag.
The woman who owns the store (The Lovely Lady in Cary) is just wonderful. She's knowledgeable about cancer, the drugs, the treatments and the million other things that go along with this disease. She has lots of experience, she's gentle and kind, and acknowledges that while it IS just hair, most women tend to be a little vain about theirs. (Vain? Moi? Could it be?) I have to say that I left there feeling much better than when I went in. Thanks, Theresa.
Hey, I may even look good bald, y'know?? (But I have the hat, just in case...) ¶ 2:13 PM 6 comments
Friday, August 04, 2006
A good lesson
I learned a very good lesson today. Some of you already know this, but I didn't. Now I know.
The backstory: While talking with my surgeon yesterday, I mentioned to him that I was still taking Motrin and Tylenol all the time for throat pain. (We think it's referred pain; the tumor in my lung is pressing against the lining of the lung, and the sensation has to be felt somewhere, so my throat "won". ) I already knew that Tylenol would hurt the liver and Motrin would hurt the stomach, so I decided to add Aleve to the mix, and alternate the 3 pain relievers so as not to get too much of any of them. (I also have some oxy-something left over from Thursday.) Hey, I get cranky when I'm in pain, and y'all just don't want to see that.
The doctor advised me to use the oxy-something at night, Aleve during the day, and Tylenol to "fill in". Ok, I can do this. Soooo.... last night, I took 2 oxy-somethings, slept only OK, awoke in pain, took 2 Aleve, got a shower, got dressed, had breakfast, fixed lunch and drove to work. And then I threw up. Felt lousy all morning. Yes, I'm sure it was the Aleve.
Lesson learned: 2 Aleve + empty stomach = very bad idea.
See, Mom, it took only once. ¶ 3:03 PM 2 comments
I learned a very good lesson today. Some of you already know this, but I didn't. Now I know.
The backstory: While talking with my surgeon yesterday, I mentioned to him that I was still taking Motrin and Tylenol all the time for throat pain. (We think it's referred pain; the tumor in my lung is pressing against the lining of the lung, and the sensation has to be felt somewhere, so my throat "won". ) I already knew that Tylenol would hurt the liver and Motrin would hurt the stomach, so I decided to add Aleve to the mix, and alternate the 3 pain relievers so as not to get too much of any of them. (I also have some oxy-something left over from Thursday.) Hey, I get cranky when I'm in pain, and y'all just don't want to see that.
The doctor advised me to use the oxy-something at night, Aleve during the day, and Tylenol to "fill in". Ok, I can do this. Soooo.... last night, I took 2 oxy-somethings, slept only OK, awoke in pain, took 2 Aleve, got a shower, got dressed, had breakfast, fixed lunch and drove to work. And then I threw up. Felt lousy all morning. Yes, I'm sure it was the Aleve.
Lesson learned: 2 Aleve + empty stomach = very bad idea.
See, Mom, it took only once. ¶ 3:03 PM 2 comments
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Tuesday's news on Wednesday
Yesterday was the trip to the oncologist, the one we've been waiting for. The one that was to give us the schedule and the particulars.
The schedule will be: 1 day of chemo, 3 weeks off, for a total of 4 doses of chemo over a period of 12 weeks. Then surgery. Once it's discovered that I'm not quite dead, MORE chemo with radiation. And why not, I certainly wouldn't want to miss THAT opportunity, now, would I?
And for bad news, it was actually pretty good. The doctor seemed very optimistic that this cancer can be cured. My general overall health is good, I'm in decent shape --hey, I said decent, not great-and I'm not 90 years old. With any luck, I may just live to be, though. The bad news: I'm gonna lose my hair. Yes, I know it's just hair, and it's a very small price to pay for the rest of my life, but it's MY hair, and I've always liked it. (sigh.)
The funny thing that happened was this: The oncologist asked me how my veins were, so I held out my arms for her to take a look at them. I swear, her pupils dilated, and she started salivating, like my dog lusting over chicken skin. I never thought these huge bulging veins would ever really come in handy--and that's what I get for thinking again.
But I am grateful; the grapevine has provided me with plenty of REALLY good food (THANK YOU ENOLA!), and I have eaten early and often. There are some mighty fine cooks out there masquerading around as regular people. And now that we know the chemo schedule, those who have offered to drive can start their engines to transport me to and from when I can't drive myself (THANK YOU SHARA!). Y'know... I could really get used to this kind of treatment. . .
Thanks for being here for me. Oh, I know you all think that this blog is for you, but it's not. It's good therapy for me, and it keeps me from drinking whiskey and wailing and flinging myself on the floor. (And I'm only partially kidding.) ¶ 2:30 PM 5 comments
Yesterday was the trip to the oncologist, the one we've been waiting for. The one that was to give us the schedule and the particulars.
The schedule will be: 1 day of chemo, 3 weeks off, for a total of 4 doses of chemo over a period of 12 weeks. Then surgery. Once it's discovered that I'm not quite dead, MORE chemo with radiation. And why not, I certainly wouldn't want to miss THAT opportunity, now, would I?
And for bad news, it was actually pretty good. The doctor seemed very optimistic that this cancer can be cured. My general overall health is good, I'm in decent shape --hey, I said decent, not great-and I'm not 90 years old. With any luck, I may just live to be, though. The bad news: I'm gonna lose my hair. Yes, I know it's just hair, and it's a very small price to pay for the rest of my life, but it's MY hair, and I've always liked it. (sigh.)
The funny thing that happened was this: The oncologist asked me how my veins were, so I held out my arms for her to take a look at them. I swear, her pupils dilated, and she started salivating, like my dog lusting over chicken skin. I never thought these huge bulging veins would ever really come in handy--and that's what I get for thinking again.
But I am grateful; the grapevine has provided me with plenty of REALLY good food (THANK YOU ENOLA!), and I have eaten early and often. There are some mighty fine cooks out there masquerading around as regular people. And now that we know the chemo schedule, those who have offered to drive can start their engines to transport me to and from when I can't drive myself (THANK YOU SHARA!). Y'know... I could really get used to this kind of treatment. . .
Thanks for being here for me. Oh, I know you all think that this blog is for you, but it's not. It's good therapy for me, and it keeps me from drinking whiskey and wailing and flinging myself on the floor. (And I'm only partially kidding.) ¶ 2:30 PM 5 comments
