Today is Wednesday, and I’m finally feeling like I’m going to live again. Earlier this week, I wasn’t so sure. This chemo go-round is a little different than the others, although there are similarities. The after-effects seemed to hit me later (72 hours later rather than 48), and didn’t make me ache all over. I’ve had a little nausea with this treatment. No cravings this time. I still wore the red face for a couple of days, and was exhausted for several days afterward. I ran cold and hot again. It finally dawned on me that I need to eat every couple of hours instead of a couple of times a day. Working half days seems to be the way to go; I can’t make it through an entire workday yet. When I come home from work, I stay on the couch -- no errands, no laundry, no cleaning, no cooking -- until bedtime, which is ridiculously early.
Fortunately for me, my live-in, on-call “staff” has been very accommodating with errands, meals, and clean-up duty. (In fact, they are quite good, considering what they’re paid!) I am grateful to have sons who are so willing and good-natured about helping ol’ Mom. I’ve used some of the restaurant gift cards and what a wonderful invention those are! At this point, whatever makes my life easier is the way to go, and I’m calling in favors left and right. I can still drive, but my endurance is nonexistent, so once I drive myself somewhere, I don’t have the energy to do what I came for! Such is life. Temporarily, anyway.
Thanks for seeing me through this next chapter. I don’t know how long this one will last, but I’m glad y’all are here with me.
It's a short entry today, folks. Sunday was the day that flattened me, although I was expecting Saturday to be the day that did me in. Saturday actually went pretty well, and of course I was thinking (I really have to stop that) that maybe this won't be so bad after all. Oh, when will I learn?
I don't hurt, I’m just very tired. I went to bed at 9 p.m. on Sunday night, woke up often during the night, and got up at 6 a.m. on Monday to go to work. By 6:15 I was ready to go back to bed. I didn't (can't let the beast win), but I sure wanted to.
Now the couch is calling and it's music to my ears. Thanks for being here.
¶ 10:02 AM 0 comments
The new chemo
I’ve been feeling pretty good lately and healing up nicely from the last chemo & radiation regimen. My back has a nicely tanned, slightly textured spot where there used to be an open wound. I’m more energetic than I was 2 months ago, although I still have to walk slowly and go to bed early. My hair is growing quickly, it’s VERY soft and gray, and still looks sassy. Who knew gray could look this darn good? My appetite is back, I eat often and adult-size portions of food. And best of all, dark chocolate and I are buds again!
And so it’s no surprise that today, I got to stand on the tracks of the 2:10, and wait for the “A” train. Yup, today was the beginning of another round of chemo, this time using Alimta, my new drug of choice. It went pretty well, with one tiny exception. You-know-who was supposed to take anti-nausea pills yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Yesterday was no problem. Someone forgot the pills today and paid for it in the chemo lounge this afternoon. Yup, about 5 minutes after the start of Alimta, I got that “hot all over” feeling. And then my mouth started watering, and I was dreading the next phase. So I summoned my appointed nurse (before I lost my lunch), and she stopped the Alimta. Did she disconnect me and send me home? No. She gave me some Decadron and when it was gone, I got the rest of the Alimta. And then I was sent home, and felt fine. (I still have the rough days on the way, though.) My reward? To come back in 3 weeks and do it all over again.
Thanks for being here. I feel as though y’all have been carrying me for a long time, and I appreciate it so much. I could not do this alone.
The doctor visit yesterday went well. There were no surprises, I learned some good information, and got prepped for the upcoming chemo. Oh boy, this time, I get a shot every 9 weeks, and I’ll be taking some meds during chemo week. ( More stuff to remember to do—I’ll probably have sticky notes all over the house to remind me. Apologies in advance to my roommates!)
In a recent previous blog entry, I mentioned that I equated 2nd line chemo drugs with the 2nd level antibiotics—I thought they were more potent, more intense. I was wrong in that assumption. 2nd line chemo is just that; different medicines because the first drugs didn’t work.
My new regimen will be chemo every 3rd week (just like I did back in the summer), starting this Thursday. My new chemo drug is Alimta, which will take about 30 minutes to administer, so my entire afternoon won’t be spent at Happy Juice Junction. I’ll be able to drive myself to and from treatments, too. I asked if the side effects of the new chemo drug were listed in order of probability, and the doctor said not necessarily. They are listed in order of what the doctors can measure, and then what patients report the most. The side effects listed are: decreased platelet, white, and red blood cell counts, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, weight loss --really??--constipation, hair loss, mouth sores and a few more I can't remember. I might get them all, or I might not get any. Can’t wait for that, you betcha!
I told my doctor that I had decided against participating in the research study, and he told me that I didn’t qualify for it anyway. My liver spot is too small. So now I don’t have to feel guilty about not helping to provide data for cancer research. Good, it’s one less thing on the plate.
I’m having a hard time getting excited over this new round of chemo. I know it’s a good thing having options, and I’m grateful to have treatment available. But I know what’s coming, some of it anyway, and I’m not looking forward to that. These new drugs have different side effects than the last ones, and they may be more intense for all I know. My oncologist calls them 2nd line chemo drugs, and I’m getting those since the first line didn’t work as well as we’d hoped. I equate it to antibiotics: we always get the weakest medicine first, and if that doesn’t work, we get stronger stuff.
I have made a decision regarding the research study. I’m not going to participate. The benefits didn't outweigh the risks. I read the material, and wanted to confer with a trusted friend to see if I was reading the material correctly. As it turned out, we both read and understood the same things, and were concerned about the same things, and came to the same decision. (Thank you, E.!) I was asked recently if there was a chance that I’d get a placebo. The answer is NO. My health can’t afford one, and probably neither can anyone else who participates in this study. It’s my understanding that everyone in the study is in the same boat that I’m in; meaning that first line chemo didn’t work, and we need different treatment for this go-round. But that’s all moot now, since I'm not going to do it.
Yes, the doctor visit was yesterday. Yes, I went and took notes. Yes, I took a friend with me, who also took notes and heard what I heard. (Thank you, E.!)
The new plan is (drum roll, please!) more chemo. A different kind this time, since the last kind didn’t work as well as we’d hoped. It seems that I have choices this time: I can take Taxotere, or Alimta, or I can participate in a research study which will administer Taxotere, or Alimta, or Taxotere + Erbitux, or Alimta + Erbitux. All of those drugs are proven cancer-fighters; the research is to see which drug Erbitux works the best with.
We will start the new chemo regimen after I decide whether to participate in the research study. I’m thinking about it, and this weekend I will read the info the doctor gave me, and then I'll think some more. I’ll try not to hurt myself.
There will be no more radiation on my lung (had my limit!), and the liver doesn’t respond well to radiation, so that translates to no more radiation! Sort of a mixed blessing, really, because as awful as it was, it worked.
So, all in all, it’s good news. Y’all can relax now. I’m OK; just a bit ticked that I have to have MORE chemo, but also grateful that I can. These new chemo drugs have different side effects than the last ones, including, but not limited to: mouth and lip sores, bloating, loss of appetite, and of course, hair loss--so I'm really not looking forward to those. Maybe I'll get lucky & won't get hit too hard.
That's the scoop. Like I said, it's good news. Thanks for the good thoughts, and the prayers. I know that I'd be a raving lunatic by now if not for the good work that y'all do. ¶ 11:51 AM 1 comments
Today’s entry is short—there’s not much going on--I'm just waiting. You’d think I’d be getting pretty good at it by now! I’m feeling pretty good, my spirits are good, and I’m clinging to what I know to be true. There’s no reason to play “what if”, or let my imagination run wild; that won’t help me. I’m working, eating, sleeping, and trying to keep a normal schedule because that will help me.
I went to work wig-less for the first time on Monday. My co-workers seemed to like the new look--but it sure is different from my blonde wig! I’ve noticed that some people who would give me a second look when I was blonde barely even acknowledge me now. Am I offended? Nah. Being blonde was fun while it lasted, but this new hair is so much more striking. And if I change my mind, Clairol can be here in just a few minutes!
My next doctor appointment is Thursday, February 8, at 3 p.m. I have a friend going with me, just in case. It seems that so much hinges on what the doctor says, and I have lots to do. Some of it is quite timely, like getting the taxes done, and other things can wait a while, like getting the closet cleaned. I need to get as much done as I can before any treatments begin, because I know how I’ll feel then. I’ll try not to whine much, but I’m making no promises!
Thanks for being here. Knowing that people care is what is keeping me sane. ¶ 6:21 PM 3 comments
I had the PET scan on Friday. My appointment was for 10:00, and I was back to work at noon. Just after 2 p.m., my surgeon called with the results of the scan. The news isn’t good, nor is it unexpected. The troublemaker spot on my liver is more cancer. Not a different kind; the lung cancer has metastasized into my liver, which means that surgery won’t heal me. It’s back to the oncologist for treatment.
On Friday, several people asked me if I had heard any results yet, and I just wasn’t ready to share that news; I hope they will forgive me. I felt like I had to absorb this new development, then inform my family before I shared it with everyone else.
I don’t know what my options are at this point. I called the oncologist late on Friday afternoon to get a first available appointment, but was not successful. I’ll call on Monday morning and start that ball rolling. Again.
I’m full of anger and disbelief. I followed the instructions. I ate. I rested. I made and attended the follow-up appointments. I was recovering. I was progressing well, everybody said so, so WHAT HAPPENED??
So many questions. So much frustration. ¶ 1:04 PM 6 comments
