I’m having a hard time getting excited over this new round of chemo. I know it’s a good thing having options, and I’m grateful to have treatment available. But I know what’s coming, some of it anyway, and I’m not looking forward to that. These new drugs have different side effects than the last ones, and they may be more intense for all I know. My oncologist calls them 2^nd line chemo drugs, and I’m getting those since the first line didn’t work as well as we’d hoped. I equate it to antibiotics: we always get the weakest medicine first, and if that doesn’t work, we get stronger stuff.

I have made a decision regarding the research study. I’m not going to participate. The benefits didn't outweigh the risks. I read the material, and wanted to confer with a trusted friend to see if I was reading the material correctly. As it turned out, we both read and understood the same things, and were concerned about the same things, and came to the same decision. (Thank you, E.!) I was asked recently if there was a chance that I’d get a placebo. The answer is NO. My health can’t afford one, and probably neither can anyone else who participates in this study. It’s my understanding that everyone in the study is in the same boat that I’m in; meaning that first line chemo didn’t work, and we need different treatment for this go-round. But that’s all moot now, since I'm not going to do it.

¶ 6:26 PM