I can’t believe I have not posted anything in a week. Once again, that’s good news, y’all, it means that nothing’s happening. I do have a bit of reflection, though. . .
¶ 1:43 PM 2 comments
It’s a quick entry today, y’all. It’s been a rough couple of days. Constant (although not intense) pain, fatigue, difficulty breathing, not nearly enough sleep….like I said, rough couple of days.
I have news, however.
On Wednesday, I’m scheduled for another thoracentesis. This will be # 4. You can imagine how thrilled I am to have this procedure again. I honestly never had a choice, though; the sooner I have it done, the sooner the cough and the back pain will stop. Maybe it’ll help with the fatigue also, who knows? I have a prescription for some Xanax which I’ll take an hour before the procedure. Maybe that’ll keep me calm and from having another panic attack when I can’t breathe. I have a driver to and from, so that’s covered (thank you, E!).
After whining for a couple of days about having to see Mr. Needle again, I’ve come to realize a couple of things (with help, of course, sometimes I can’t see the forest for the trees). 1. Despite the whining, I am grateful that I CAN have this procedure. 2. I am grateful that there is medicine that will relax me to the point of distraction. Or further. 3. I am grateful to have friends who will point these things out for me! 4. I am grateful to have sympathetic and generous co-workers who take such good care of me, in spite of my stubbornness. (Me? Stubborn? Huh.)
And now it’s time for me to get back on the couch, which retains the imprint of my body, even when I’m not there. Thanks for being here.
Addendum
It’s Wednesday afternoon, after the thoracentesis. Per my instructions, I took the Xanax before the appointment. While I thought I was feeling mostly just sleepy, apparently I was relaxed enough to be agreeable to have the procedure. (Y’all remember how much I was looking forward to it!) I must say, this time was much easier than last time; much less pain and no panic attack, and the doctor was able to extract about a liter of fluid. There is still some fluid left in there, but I couldn’t stand the suction in my chest any longer, so we quit. It’s possible that I’ll have to go back again, and just in case, I was given a prescription for more Xanax. So, knowing my track record here, are y’all thinking what I’m thinking?
It’ll take a couple of days to fully recuperate, but I am already feeling much better than I was yesterday at this time. I still lose my breath while talking, but that may get better gradually as well. All in all, a successful procedure. So far, anyway.
The good, the bad, and the ugly
Well, $*&@%&.
I have good news and bad news.
The good news is that according to the test results, my heart is fine. Yup, the ol’ ticker is in decent shape. No problems there.
The bad news is that I have more %&#@ fluid in my lung, making me miserable. Again. (At the last oncologist visit July 2, he listened to my breathing, and said that he could hear air moving in and out, which told me that there was no fluid to block that sound. So the fluid has accumulated in the last couple of weeks.)
So I have some choices: 1) I can do nothing. 2) I can have another thoracentesis (meeting with Mr. Needle). 3) I can have the pleurodesis, which is the permanent fuse of lung and chest wall. 4) I can fill up my Honda and drive off into the sunset and think about it tomorrow.
We all know what I’ll end up doing.
The ugly truth is that I’m such a big chicken about it.
More tests
I went to the doctor on Friday. Lately I’ve been having chest pain and pressure, and it was getting more frequent and more painful. So I had an EKG, an echocardiogram, and a chest x-ray. (Did you notice? No IV procedures!) I don’t have any results yet and will post them when I hear something. The fact that I didn’t get the results right away is good because only bad news travels fast. I’ve played that game before.
I was extra tired this past weekend, and I struggled with the aforesaid chest pain. My lazy dog and I were quite a pair, lounging around like we had nothing better to do. I had to get up now and then for food, but for the most part, I spent both days on the couch. Resting is easy. Sleeping is hard. I can lie on my left side only, which gets sore after a while. If I lie on my right side, my back hurts. If I lie on my back, my back hurts. If I lie on my stomach…well, you know. Lying on the left side provides a little pressure against the achy spot, thereby making it more tolerable. But, boy is it hard to do!
The acne rash is clearing up slowly. It’s much better, not nearly as red and itchy as before. I recognize myself when I look in the mirror these days. That’s good. What’s not so good is that the rest of my skin is getting very, very dry. I don’t know why. I drink a lot of water and I’m not on a low-fat regimen, so I don’t get it.
What I do get is lots of support from lots of people. Many of you know what I need before I do. Thanks, y’all, for being here.
Another day. . .
There’s an old saying: another day, another dollar. Lately I think more in terms of another day, another chance. Another chance to slow down, to listen, to enjoy. Literally. I can’t walk fast and breathe too, so I slow down. I can’t talk as long (or as much) as I used to, so I listen. I am grateful to have another day, so I enjoy my work, my time at home, and all the people who help take care of me. I’m so darn well-behaved these days that it’s scary. But it’s not by choice, you understand. I can feel myself slowing down, degree by degree. I take Motrin by the handful, all day long (yes, the doctor knows) and that’s what’s keeping me running. Without it, I hurt and just generally feel lousy. And y’all know that I get cranky when I don’t feel well, and nobody wants to see that.
My appetite is pretty good; sometimes I get so hungry for my own cooking that I just have to cook a meal. I’ve cooked twice this week (yes, twice!) and really enjoyed eating those dinners. The cooking part was a challenge, because I have a hard time standing long enough, but the eating part was such a reward. I usually enjoy dining out, and when I’m too tired for that, I’m happy with a bowl of soup.
I’m still working full days, but I don’t know for how much longer. Half days are very appealing, but if I use my saved days now I won’t have them for later, when I may need them more. And, if I go ahead and succumb to that temptation, then ol’ Skippy may think that he’s won a round. Can’t have that. I tend to stay tired these days, whether it’s from the chemo or from the stupid cancer, I don’t know. Once again, I go to bed ridiculously early, and rarely sleep through the night. Oh, I’m tired enough to, I just don’t get the chance. It seems that my lazy dog needs to go out in the middle of the night and apparently no one opens a door like I do. Of course, just about the time I get back to sleep, there’s a “woof” at the door that no one can hear but me. Yup, I’m lucky that way.
I’ve been fortunate in lots of ways, of that there’s no doubt. I have good doctors, good medicine, and good friends everywhere. Thanks for being here. I still need all the help I can get.
It’s a short entry tonight, y’all; I had a long day on Tuesday, and am still feeling it on Wednesday night. Ah, but it was SO worth it! More on that in a minute.
First , the news: I had a visit with my oncologist on Monday. I’ve gained 3 lbs. since the last visit—good news. He said that the rash, while annoying now, may actually go away on its own—good news. AND he said to make another appointment in 4 weeks, which means he thinks I’ll still be here in 4 weeks—more good news! Hey, I don’t assume anything anymore, and none of us are promised another day, anyway.
Now for the adventure. Thanks to some very generous people, my sons and I had an hour-long ride in a hot air balloon on Tuesday evening! It was awesome. A very thoughtful co-worker made all the arrangements, and all we had to do was show up. So we did. We flew as high as 1000 feet, and then low enough to pick leaves from a tree. The scenery was quite rural and very pretty; lots of farmland and forests. We saw deer running through the woods, saw a hawk and later, an owl in flight. We waved to people on the ground, who waved back. And yes, we took lots of pictures. I’m the one with the big grin. Once back on the ground, we had a little ceremony where my sons and I received certificates stating that we went up in the balloon, and we had a little sparkling juice to celebrate. Dinner was provided for us by another thoughtful co-worker. Truly an event to remember. If you ever have a chance to go, run to sign up. It’s magical.
I know that I’ll remember the adventure and the thoughtfulness behind it for a long, long time. Thanks for sharing my good news and my adventure!
