Quick acne update: (I know I said I was through talking about the acne, but I lied.) It’s getting better. The redness is fading some, and the actual acne is abating noticeably. Now I have an itchy rash going down my neck. . . yup, the fun just never ends!
Tuesday I received my 2nd shipment of Tarceva. I don’t know why that stuff doesn’t come via an armored Wells-Fargo truck on a fancy red carpet and hand-delivered by good-looking, tight-uniformed security guards. Hey, I'm sick, not dead!
I am feeling tired, although not exhausted, and I am perfectly happy just to sit in one place for a long time these days. I still work full days most of the time (although I don’t know for how much longer), and my job involves lots of sitting, so that works out very well. If I’m at home, the couch is where you'll find me, but I keep falling asleep. At home, I am frequently conflicted between, “C’mon, girl, just get up, get moving, and get something done,” and “$^%#, don’t you people know that I feel rotten and need help here?” It’s getting difficult to do the simple things: carry groceries in from the car, scrub the shower, stand up long enough to wash dishes. I have not cooked in a while. I can orchestrate from a chair in the kitchen when I draft someone to cook, but we have too many nearby restaurants for someone to volunteer very much. Thanks to the powers that be for restaurant gift cards! And extra thanks to those who bring dinner to me. You all are saints!
I’m getting pressure in my chest again, and I’m starting to cough a little more, and that hurts. Sneezing hurts a LOT, so I try to avoid that whenever possible. I have learned that I can take Motrin with the new meds, so I do and feel much better. And the funny thing is that frequently when I eat, I get hiccups. Yes. Can you believe it? It would be much funnier if it was happening to someone other than me! I guess it’s good to have a funny thing amidst the daily struggle.
So, no real news today. And we all know that no news is good news! Thanks for being here. This journey is made a little easier because y’all are right here, patting my back, filling my belly, and keeping your fingers crossed for good news.
Reliving the teen years
This acne is going to do me in. On Monday it looked like chicken pox, after the blisters popped. Yes, I had little, itty-bitty scabs all over my face, red swollen bumps, and little white dots. Once the red bumps sprouted white dots, I’d scratch them, and then they’d bleed and form scabs. The good news seems to be that once a bump is gone, it’s really gone. My face is not quite so all-over-red like it was 2 weeks ago, and not quite so hot and itchy like it was last week. Oh, it’s still itchy, just not find-the-Brillo-pad itchy like before. I feel like a science experiment. I guess it’s getting better, although not quick enough to suit me. I was instructed by my oncologist to avoid oily products on my face, since that would compound the acne. I’ve done that, and I’ve gotten dry skin as my reward. Which sounds like good news, right? Dry skin = less acne. While that is true, my skin is over 40, and desperately needs moisture. In these last couple of weeks, I’ve avoided my favorite moisturizers, and boy, does it show! My fine lines have turned into magnificent lines. Apparently, I have laughed a lot in my 40+ years, and maybe that’s not such a bad thing to advertise, after all. And now I am through talking about the acne. Moving on. . .
I went to see the oncologist on Tuesday. There wasn’t much to discuss; the bloodwork looked normal (whatever that is), and we decided to change the antibiotic to a pill rather than a gel. The gel was keeping me from getting infection, but a pill may work better to actually clear up this face. We shall see. I have another appointment in 2 weeks.
So no bad news this time, which is good news. And it’s about time for some good news! Thanks for being here.
Itchin' and scratchin'
I’ve been itching and scratching and complaining for about a week now; the acne rash is just as annoying now as ever. It’s not getting any worse, although I can’t say for certain that it’s getting any better, either. The antibiotic gel is doing its job, and the Benadryl crème is doing its job, let’s hope the Tarceva (which is the cause of the rash) is doing its job too. (Ol’ Skippy still has a fight on his hands!)
In the big picture, while the acne rash is aggravating as ^%#%*, it’s a pretty minor side effect to have. I’m not throwing up, not nauseated, not in constant or extreme pain, not exhausted, and not bald. There are worse things than looking awful. (For those of you who have seen me and said, “It’s really not that bad”, I thank you for being such kind and wonderful liars.)
Appetite and energy aside, I’m feeling pretty good. I don’t want to eat much, but I’m eating. The old fashioned breakfast seems to have the most appeal: fried eggs, bacon, potatoes….YUM. Of course, there’s no time during the workweek for such indulgence, so Cheerios it is. I’m still working full days, but once I get home, I just want to sit, relax, and have someone else cook dinner. (Does that happen to anyone else?) I took the dog around the block last week, and I made it about halfway before I realized that I shouldn’t be walking that far. Of course, being halfway meant that I had to go the rest of the way. Oh, I made it, but it took a long time. The dog was thrilled, because my extra slow pace allowed him to sniff every bush, tuft of grass, and mailbox along the way. In his eyes, I was doggy mom of the year that day.
Thanks for being here. I’m glad that I can lean on y’all and rest just a little. Or a lot.
This rash is going to drive me over the edge. (Did I mention that it’s a rash with acne? Yup, I won the daily double.) Late Wednesday night, my face was so itchy and sore that I couldn’t sleep. I had an itchy face and jumpy legs, and I was miserable. My legs were tingly and I wanted to walk around just to relieve the tingly feeling. I had to do something. Anything. My rationale was that if I could fix either one of those problems, then I could sleep, and since I had no idea of what to do for the tingly legs, I had to work on the itchy rash. So I tried a frozen soft gel pack. It was too cold and too heavy. A wet washcloth was just wet and scratchy. I finally just gave up and put some anti-itch crème on my face, something my doctor advised me not to do. (Something about hydrocortisone / steroids being too harsh on the skin on the face.) It worked well enough. Like I said, I was miserable and it was the middle of the night.
On Thursday I called the doctor to let him know that I’d put some hydrocortisone on the rash, and that it helped some. Turns out that I can use that sparingly and can also use Benadryl crème on the rash, too, in addition to the antibiotic gel. The gel is NOT for the relief of the itch, it’s to keep infection away, since the acne is so bad. Yup, I have gray hair, wrinkles, and acne. I just know y’all are jealous.
(It has dawned on me that it may appear that I’m ungrateful about having the good rash. I’m not; I feel very fortunate to have some indication that this medicine may work for me. But my face is very uncomfortable, and looks like *&%#. I had no idea that I was so vain! With topical treatments that I can use, maybe I can get the acne and the rash to more tolerable levels, and then I won’t whine so much. Well, it could happen.)
Otherwise, I feel pretty good. I don’t cough much, I don’t gasp for breath too often, I don’t wheeze much, I don’t have a sore throat (why not? I still have the tumor), my breathing is much better, haven’t had Motrin in a couple of weeks, my endurance is slowly returning—I cooked dinner Wednesday night and ate it, too. Compared to how I felt a year ago, this is a drastic improvement. If I didn’t know that I have cancer, I’d have no reason to think so-- there’s nothing to indicate it. Maybe this new, daily medicine will be the one that heals me. We shall see.
Thanks for being here!
The right stuff!
Good news, y’all! I have the good rash! So everyone can stop wishing the itchy rash on me; I’ve got it! (Oh, boy, do I ever.) I have to say that collectively y’all do excellent work. This rash is bright red like sunburn, itches like a %$#*, and seems to be limited to my face; pretty much what everyone was hoping I’d get.
According to the informational pamphlet that came with the Tarceva, there were 2 types of rash that I could get. One was the regular side effect rash that is annoying but to be expected. The other was an allergic reaction rash which would mean that we’d have to stop the Tarceva. Turns out that I got the right one. And so to counter the red itchies, I was prescribed an antibiotic gel to put on my face to calm it. (Isn’t that ironic? We prayed for the rash, and now we want to clear it up.)
This is almost as good as growing hair again! Thanks for being here to share this good news. It’s about darn time, too!
They're Here!
My new chemo pills were delivered on Thursday morning. They arrived, all safe and snug in their little bubble-wrapped package, with instructions and warnings and the receipt. I knew these pills were expensive because I had to pay over twice the usual co-pay amount for them. But when I looked at the receipt and saw just how expensive, well, let’s just say it’s a good thing I was already sitting down. For a 30-day supply, 1 month—ONE MONTH—these pills cost just over $3900. No, not $39.00. THREE THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED DOLLARS.
I took the first Tarceva pill on Thursday afternoon. It must be taken on an empty stomach (either 1 hour before or 2 hours after a meal), so I thought that about 5 p.m. would be a pretty good time. We’ll see. That night I didn’t fall asleep the minute I hit the pillow (unusual for me), so if the pill is keeping me awake, I’ll have to change the time and move it to much earlier in the day. Or much later. Of course, I read the list of usual side effects, and here’s what I get to look forward to: Rash, possibly acne, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. And then there are the unusual side effects that need immediate medical care: vomit that looks like coffee grounds, yellowing eyes, and dark urine. Then there are the warnings, and among them are 2 that just make me laugh: I shouldn’t eat grapefruit or have grapefruit juice and I shouldn’t get pregnant.
So here we go again, on yet another leg of this journey. My next doctor visit is June 5, and we’ll see how I’m doing medically. In 3 months, we’ll do another CT scan and check me again. In the meantime, I’ll be over here, eating cookies and trying not to scratch.
Addendum: I have a red, itchy face and food is losing its appeal, so something's happening!
