Another one down

Tuesday’s chemo was one of the better ones, I must admit. The needle stick for the bloodwork was done by a very competent lab technician who was gentle, and the needle stick for the chemo IV was nearly painless. I was surprised; I’d forgotten that sometimes those pokes don’t make me claw the furniture. There was only one tiny incident, not even hardly worth mentioning, but I will anyway. About 5 minutes after the chemo was initially administered, my arm started to ache, like it had a very heavy weight on it with increasing pressure. I summoned my nurse, who adjusted the drip to a slower speed, and voila’. Problem solved.

I wish they could all be resolved that easily. It’s (finally) dawned on me that much of my life is out of my control, and spinning faster all the time. I seem to be having some coping issues here lately—too much anger, too much denial, too much being too-%$#@-tired-of-being-sick, too little sleep, and my family is paying for that. I yelled at my youngest son the other night for a teenage transgression, and once started, couldn’t stop and said WAYYYYY too much, most of which had nothing to do with him. I ignored the warnings and spewed through my own “stop talking or you’ll be sorry” filter so fast that I left a singed, gaping hole in it. Ouch. The next day I apologized for my outburst, but I still feel bad about it. Yes, I know my life is stressful. Yes, I know an occasional meltdown is to be expected. Yes, I know that I don’t have to hold it in/carry it/put a pretty face on it, although I try to. Because I’m insane, that’s why.

I learned something this weekend! I decided that I’d give this ol’ body a break from all the ibuprofen (stockholders, relax), and take some Aleve at night. It claims to give 8 -12 hour relief from pain, and guess how long I sleep! Coincidence? I think not. So, anyway, at 8 pm on Thursday night, I took 1 tablet on a full belly. (I already learned that lesson.) In a while, I noticed that I was not in pain and not coughing and was excited about finally getting some good, uninterrupted sleep. I awoke every hour, nearly on the hour, all night long. All night long. But, to be fair, I was pain free.

Today is Saturday, and I’m lying around the house. This chemo medicine doesn’t make me ache all over, but it does make me incredibly tired. The good thing is that by tomorrow, I’ll feel a little better, and by Monday, will be able to go to work . And then, of course, on Tuesday, I get hit again. Yeah, boy, I can’t wait.

Thanks for being here.

¶ 12:55 PM