I’m thinking of all those things left undone, and there’s only a couple of things left, at this point, it doesn’t matter anymore. Let’s see: Got the oven as clean as it’s gonna be, made the phone calls, got the blog set up, got the refrigerator cleaned out (what WAS that in the blue bowl?), got some laundry done, put gas in the car, bills are paid, got arrangements made for the boys while I’m lounging about in the hospital. Still to do: grocery shopping to stock up on pizza and quick food, the return of 1 library book, and mailing of some papers for the boy. Doable.

I’m having a PET scan tomorrow; apparently I have some money left somewhere.
This test will check for cancer in my lymph nodes in my chest, and if they’re there, then surgery will be delayed until I get some chemo. Mostly this is a precaution; the doctors believe that my cancer is only in my lung and nowhere else, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. So they say. Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, but I’m tired of tests.

My mental state has become more somber, I can feel myself being pulled into that feeling of grim determination, resigned to this treatment to purge my body of this cancer. You know those days when what you do is all on auto-pilot? I'm there. The crash is coming, though, probably immediately after surgery or the next day. It won't be pretty. There will probably be tears and I'll be cranky (the real me, maybe?), but it'll pass. I promise.

I’m feeling better these last couple of days. I’m breathing a little better, and I don’t seem to be as tired. I don’t know what changed, but I’m grateful. I think I have all of you to thank, and so I say Thank You. Trust me when I tell you that your circle of friends is far bigger than you think—I have people in all sorts of places helping me in all sorts of ways, and I truly appreciate it all. Every bit helps keep me feeling encouraged and looking forward, and giving me the strength to get through this. Y’all are just the BEST !

¶ 3:59 PM